MY MOMMA TAUGHT ME BETTER THAN THAT!

Wow its been quite a few weeks. Are you wondering where I went? Not dating, not interested- well always interested. But I have had weeks full of a new school year, catching up with friends and moving!

I want to talk about grudges, retaliating, bottling things up and the like. We all do it, we all have someone that makes us aggravated. And I know every situation is unique and you don't get it unless you're involved, and BLAH BLAH BLAH......here's what we can agree on, that final point when you erupt like Mount Vesuvius is never your proudest moment.

How do we avoid said eruption? Do something for you. I'll give you an example, which I'm thinking is pretty relative:
My friend, we're gonna call her Chandy, started liking a new guy. And the short version is that she did some pretty uncool things that effected me as a result of just crushing on a guy. Did I stop talking to her? Yea, I gave myself a couple days breathing room. I dont want a confrontation if it doesn't have to happen. So I dealt with my feelings of bitterness, found my compassion and didn't worry about trashing her name in front of everyone. It also helped that I met a couple new guys that were friends of a friend. Without knowing it, and with just being themselves, they lifted me out of that bitterness straight away. New friends aren't meant to replace the old ones, but a change in scenery might be just what you need. After hanging out with them, I was fine. Perfectly happy :)

Now should Chandy keep it up, I'll address it. But at least these initial ugly feelings are gone and I'm not so worked up.

A lot of times I have to remind myself of some things: I know I'm a FIRECRACKER. Stubborn and crazy. But I am also a strong southern woman raised by an amazing family that had many phenomenal God- fearing women. So as much as I want to blow up or talk trash, I know 2 things, MY MOMMA TAUGHT ME BETTER THAN THAT and I have an image as a Christian, God-fearing woman myself that I am responsible for.

Here's something else my momma taught me, ugly feelings make you ugly. If you've got your heart all twisted up in bitterness and grudges your face is gonna reflect it. I know its hard to always be happy for friends when things aren't going our way. Remember when I said you absolutely can't love someone until you love yourself? Its the same principle here. YOU CANNOT BE HAPPY FOR A FRIEND AND THEIR SITUATION UNLESS YOU ARE FULLY CONTENT WITH WHAT YOU HAVE. Its true. It sucks to be reminded of it sometimes, but thats the way life goes :)

So, class, what have we learned? Just be happy, in anything and everything. Don't let ugly feelings make you ugly. Don't bottle it up or trash talk your friends, or even people you don't know. Why? CAUSE MY MOMMA TAUGHT ME BETTER THAN THAT!

Valentine

Sex in the City or......DON'T SLEEP AROUND IN YOUR SMALL TOWN.

Alright, so I think the second half of the title gives some good advice....just because you're lonely does not mean you should sleep around any where. Let's be honest, if you've had sex you know how good it is. And it seems that when sex presents itself, we loose self control- but we're going to save this issue for another time :)

Right now I want to talk about that feeling I'm having while it seems that all my friends are getting married.....you know the one. The "why am I the only single person/should I be getting married?" question. It only takes a little while before I realize how crazy I am. Growing up, I thought no one got married until their 30's. I thought everyone lived like they did on "Friends" and bought into the "it will happen when it happens." I was never the little girl that planned her wedding to every detail. And here I am a very early 20-something and I'm freaking out because I'm ready to tie my life down? No Thank You!

When we're kids we are forever dealing with cliques. Preps, Jocks, Goths, and whatever else we came up with. Do cliques disappear now that we're out of high school? NO! But the titles change to things like SINGLES, DATING, MARRIED COUPLES. Every church has a singles group and a married group. Every time you join a church, some divine couple gets engaged and it's all anyone can talk about. It's enough to turn me into cat lady at an early age. But this has to stop, because that's not how it is at all.

Perhaps I'm destined to be a nun, but I'm thinking I'm not. Here's what I think, as a renewed Christian, I did all the wrong things growing up. Sleeping around, giving myself away to be validated by the high school m.v.p. were included. But here's the thing about girls and small towns. We remember EVERY DETAIL- and every place we hooked up. And coming home and driving by all these places filled with memories is not exactly how I envisioned a summer vacation at my parents' house..... So small towns are not the place to mess around. Get some confidence in you. Make a list of the good things about you. We're so convinced it's a bad thing to think about all your good qualities. I'm not asking you to become self-centered, I'm asking that you just look at yourself and realize how amazing you are. Now if you're thinking that I can't possibly be addressing you because there's nothing good about you...get over that.

It's true what they say, you can't love somebody until you love yourself. This is going to be a journey, and the first step is making your list. Here's my list and maybe it'll inspire all of you out there:

1. I have great intuition.
2. I can make people laugh.
3. I think I'm pretty.
4. I have great eyes and cute smile.
5. I'm gifted with kids and teaching.
6. I will do great things in my life time.

All the Single Ladies....sing it with me!

Ok so let's be quite honest, if you are single that song drives you up a wall....and yet you can't stop singing it. And right about now you're wondering who I am so here goes.....

I'm single. And I think that about sums it up! Oh, and here's another awesome fun fact, I was born on Valentine's day...yay me! But not at all, really. Another year, another reminder wrapped in a heart-shaped box of chocolates. Over the years I've been pretty bitter, or flat out tried to ignore the day all together....and then I got smacked upside the head with reality.

Sitting in church a little over a year ago, the whole series had been about having a Godly relationship. So all I was getting out of this month's messages were that I was not in a relationship, and in my very coupled church, didn't have much hope. So finally, on this last Sunday, my pastor starts to address us, the few and the not so proud who have yet to find their sweethearts. And instead of giving us some small light at the end of the tunnel type message, he gets real honest....."God may have plans for some of you to always be single."

I'm sorry? You said what now? That's not for me! That's when I also started to cross my fingers and say "Please not me, please not me, Dear Baby Jesus, PLEASE NOT ME!" I was always brought up to be the high school sweetheart, housewife type. That's what I know so you can just call me Susie Home-maker. And after a long time of healing over the high-school sweetheart that just didn't work out, here was my pastor, indirectly telling me I may not be that person I had always planned. I mean I fit the part- I'm going to be a teacher, I love and do great with kids, I love being in love....but I might be doing all of that alone? I didn't want to hear it or believe it.

Now I've started to accept it, a little. I'd like to think that it's really more like "God just wants me to be single for now, not forever." Whatever the case, I'm okay with it. I spend countless hours talking to girls and guys that are exactly the opposite, they are STUCK on being single. Its talked about like a disease. It feels like people look down on you. I always think that my god married friends are whispering "I hope she finds someone awesome. She deserves it." Admit it- you've felt this and in some cases all those friends were whispering too loud. So this blog is going to be all about being okay with being single. Read it- Share it- Talk about it. Let me know how you're doing with you're own story. Let me know how I can help, topics I should cover, or just tear it apart. In all honesty, I'm hoping this helps me as well as you.

Look for the next post!
Valentine

ps- remember I was born on Valentine's Day....not such a clever sign off name, but so cheesy you gotta love it! and you can email me at: inowpronounceyousingle@gmail.com